Published by Northfield Publishing on June 1st 1995
Genre: Nonfiction-Self Help
Challenge Theme: A personal growth book
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Are you and your spouse speaking the same language? While love is a many splendored thing, it is sometimes a very confusing thing, too. And as people come in all varieties, shapes, and sizes, so do their choices of personal expressions of love. But more often than not, the giver and the receiver express love in two different ways. This can lead to misunderstanding, quarrels, and even divorce.
Quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch are the five basic love languages. Dr. Gary Chapman identifies these and guides couples towards a better understanding of their unique languages of love. Learn to speak and understand your mate’s love language, and in no time you will be able to effectively love and truly feel loved in return. Skillful communication is within your grasp!
This book has been on my TBR list forever. I took the quiz years ago but never got around to reading the book. Man I wish I would have! This book spoke to me. I kept stopping and reading things out loud to my husband because they pertained to situations we have found ourselves in. I am going to buy two copies of it, one for me and one for him so we can take notes and then compare. There is so much truth in the fact that we show & need love in different ways and we rarely share the same language with our significant other. Our therapist said that even though you need to learn your sig other’s love language you also need to continue to show your love in your language. You won’t be fulfilled if you solely focus on your sig other’s love language and neglect your own.
My love language is BY FAR “Acts of Service” and if I had to pick a secondary one it would probably be “Words of Affirmation.” My husband’s is a little harder to decide on. When he took the quiz he had three that were so close together that I really think at any given time his could change back and forth. “Physical touch” was his #1 but part of me thinks that is too easy for a guy. I know that is important to him but personally I also think “Words of Affirmation” and “Quality Time” are also both HUGE for him. Talk about high maintenance, just kidding honey 🙂
Part of me wishes I would have read this book years ago, maybe could have saved us some difficult times, but then I think maybe we weren’t ready to put this into practice. I know now that we 100% are!
The reason I gave it 4 stars, instead of 5, was because there were parts that seem a little outdated and “1950s” mentality. I found myself getting a little bothered by some of the advice the author was giving a couple of his patients however I can look past that because so much of what he said rings so true in relationships! I definitely recommend this book for ALL couples no matter if you are in a great place in your relationship at this moment or feeling like you are ready to give up. This could help strengthen your marriage or save it.
“Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment.”
“People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need.”
“Love doesn’t keep a score of wrongs. Love doesn’t bring up past failures. None of us is perfect. In marriage we do not always do the right thing. We have sometimes done and said hurtful things to our spouses. We cannot erase the past. We can only confess it and agree that it was wrong. We can ask for forgiveness and try to act differently in the future. Having confessed my failure and asked forgiveness, I can do nothing more to mitigate the hurt it may have caused my spouse. When I have been wronged by my spouse and she has painfully confessed it and requested forgiveness, I have the option of justice or forgiveness. If I choose justice and seek to pay her back or make her pay for her wrongdoing, I am making myself the judge and her the felon. Intimacy becomes impossible. If, however, I choose to forgive, intimacy can be restored. Forgiveness is the way of love.”
“Most of us have more potential than we will ever develop. What holds us back is often a lack of courage.”
“Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another, to know a love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct. I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees in me something worth loving. That kind of love requires effort and discipline. It is the choice to expend energy in an effort to benefit the other person, knowing that if his or her life is enriched by your effort, you too will find a sense of satisfaction.”