Welcome back my fellow rose lovers! I am going to say what we are all thinking….I wish I was watching Peter this season but alas he is smart and decided to not go on this show again. Apparently producers couldn’t find anyone else from the past 5 ‘Bachelorette’ seasons so they went back SIX seasons to find Arie. Full disclosure I did not watch Emily Maynard’s season so I was not familiar with Arie prior to now. He seems nice enough so far, a little boring maybe but we shall see as the season goes on. By the end of the first episode I usually have one or two front runners but this time I am not so sure. I have a few that I think will be around for a while but not sure about my top gal. Let’s get to know some of the ladies shall we….
Caroline, 26 from Fort Lauderdale, FL…She is a realtor (oh my goodness they are both realtors, must be fate)…makes a corny real estate joke but pretty tame for limo entrances
Chelsea, 29 from Portland, Maine…single mom, at first I thought she seemed nice but coming out the limo she was trying too hard to be Miss Mysterious and then as the night went on she slowly became my least favorite
Kendall, 26 from Los Angeles, California…collects taxidermy, plays the ukulele, this seasons strange bird…very nervous meeting Arie, boring introduction
Seinne, 27 from Newport Beach, CA…elephants have meaning for her so she brings Arie elephant cuff links to bring him good luck, so far best limo intro so I like her
Tia, 26 from Wiener, Arkansas….aka Raven #2…the instant they showed her little video at the beginning I thought well this is this season’s Raven and then cue her actually being friends with Raven…brought Arie a little wiener as a gift (get it because she is from a town named Wiener) and then proceeds to say “please tell me you don’t already have a little wiener” I think that just flew right over his head
Bibiana, 30 from Miami, Florida….comes in with a CHEESY line, “you make my heart race”….first girl to bring up his racing but def not the last
Bri, 25 from Portland, Oregon…sports reporter who throws a softball at him
Jenny, 25 from Chicago, Illinois…all I have written down is graphic designer so clearly she left an impression
Brittane J, 27 from Los Angeles, California…”you shouldn’t put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari but you can on an Arie” and proceeds to put a “nice butt” bumper sticker on his behind. Ok. Next.
Jacqueline, 26 from New York, New York…another one I have no notes on so moving on
Krsytal, 29 from San Diego, California….she is a fitness coach who has worked to help the homeless since she found out her little brother is homeless…she seems way too nice for this show so she may get eaten alive by the Chelseas of the season
Nysha, 30 from South Carolina…a nurse and yet another person I wrote nothing about
Valerie, 25 from Nashville, Tennessee…she is wearing a bright yellow dress, that is all I remember
Bekah, ?? from Los Angeles, California…pulls up in a 65 Mustang convertible with this line “I may be young but I can still appreciate something classic”….just how young are you?? The fact that she doesn’t want her age revealed makes me wonder…I should have paid better attention to see if she was drinking during cocktail hour….hmmm
Jenna, 28 from Raleigh, North Carolina…WAY too animated
Jessica, 26 from Santa Monica, California…brought hit a gratitude rock…snooze
Marikh, 27 from Utah…Indian restaurant owner…she tells Arie she could use some salt & pepper in her life…not sure you should reference the guy’s grey hair but harmless enough
Olivia, 23 from Chicago, Illnois…who?
Becca K, 27 from Minneapolis, Minnesota…asked him to get down on one knee, put a box in his hand, and had him propose that they will have a good journey or something like that…just nope
Now it’s time for the FOUR Laurens!
Lauren S, 31 from Dallas, Texas…don’t remember anything about her
Lauren J, 33 from New Roads, Louisiana….gives him ginormous Mardi Gras beads
I mean those are some huge balls
Lauren B, 25 from Dallas, Texas…again don’t remember anything about her
Lauren G, 26 from Los Angeles, California….this is some ridiculousness….FOUR OF THEM??
Ashley, 25 from West Palm Beach, Florida…a girl from my town!! Woot woot! She makes a dumb racing joke but I will forgive it because she is a hometown girl
Brittany T, 30 from Austin, Texas…attempts to speak Dutch and BUTCHERS it…it is painful
Amber, 29 from Denver, Colorado…owns a tanning salon and says this “In my line of work I see a lot of dicks and I hope you’re not one”…..nail in coffin
Ali, 27 from Dallas, Texas…SHE HAS HIM SMELL HER ARMPITS…get it? Pit stop because he raced cars…well she wins for WORST entrance
Annaliese, 32 from San Francisco, California…comes in with a mask because you know he is the “kissing bandit”…ugh
Maquel, 23 from Utah….instantly stands out to the other ladies because she arrives in a legit racing car and proceeds to get our flawlessly complete with hair flip….boy are the ladies hatin’ on her!
Now that all the ladies have arrived let’s get started with the first cocktail party of the season.
Here is a quick summary of how that went:
Chelsea takes him first (shocker) and plays her mysterious role some more…the more I watch the less I like her. Maquel then interrupts her and Chelsea starts to emerge as the first villain of the season. Next up Brittany T has some tiny cars from them to race. Of course she says if she wins she gets a kiss. It ends in a tie but she gets her kiss anyway.
Kendall plays him a song on her ukulele; a couple ladies feed him; Jenna gives him a foot massage (I can’t with her, if I had to sit and listen to her talk all the time I would go nuts); Chelsea goes in for a second time with Arie, stealing him from Krystal (I do like her but does she HAVE to talk like that all the time?) and gets the second kiss of the night (and can I just say for someone called the “kissing bandit” those kisses were ew); Jessica tells Arie her deceased father had previously met him so already approves of him; Bekah asks Arie for three things that make him excited to live, to which he responds “excitement (ummm what), adrenaline & pizza.” Her three things are “mountains, the feeling of liking somebody but not being sure if they like you back, and sitting in the back of a ’65 Mustang.” Neither one of them seem to have much that makes them excited to live. Those are the best things they could come up with?? Chelsea gets the first impression rose because of course she would, insert eye roll.
Rose Ceremony Time!!!
Staying: Chelsea, Becca K, Marikh, Kendall, Lauren G, Krystal, Bekah, Lauren S, Seinne, Caroline, Brittany T, Bibiana, Annaleise, Jenna, Valerie, Jacqueline, Jenny, Lauren B, Ashley, Tia, & Maquel
Leaving: Jessica, Amber, Ali, Bri, Brittane, Lauren J, Nysha, & Olivia
You can watch The Bachelor Monday nights at 8 pm on ABC.
